Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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