I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
