I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize