it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
