Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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