there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
