I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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