Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
