I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you still have your period?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
