Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
