Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
