I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
