my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
