Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
