Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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