i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So much rum. So many feels.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
