just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
