I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
