At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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