We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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