Nicole vs. Life
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he puts the penis in happiness.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
