we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
