Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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