Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
