I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
