I am spending my child support on dildos
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize