Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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