So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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