I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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