I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
