He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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