Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it's like iHOP with fire
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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