It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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