hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
