just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.