I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Enjoy the penises
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade