It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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