I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
