Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
