i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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