we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
