Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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