She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
