In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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