we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your cock deserves a montage
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i think my cat just said my name.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
