that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
