I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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