Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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