You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize