how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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