that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
