Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
