You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Drake has all the answers
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
