if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
