Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
