I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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