My liver just broke up with me...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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