Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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