i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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