Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
last night I used snow as a chaser
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