One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
