Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
