highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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