He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
